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Yessssuh...

It's me again....

And I'm back.... woo!

For some reason pics are not postin today, so this will have to be a text-only entry. A more personal (raw) entry.

Sort of booooring if you ask me. To make this entry more exciting I have one request for the reader: Please read this entire entry alound in your absolute best british accent. I will use as many common slang words as I can to make it that much more user-friendly.

Aren't I a cheeky monkey?

So things are getting more and more interesting in my life, big changes happening. As things get a little harder, so do I. (As in my skin, you perve) Might not be such a bad thing, actually. I could stand a little skin-toughening. Right time I stop living me life arse about face. I'm thinking it time for a bespoke holiday. Something sunny with lots of blokes, baccy and the means to get totally bloody bladdered.

I finally bought a buggery bleeding microphone for my homestudio. This is big news, as I no longer have to depend on outside studio time to record.

My friend Jon has a Showcase at Berlin in Chicago on Saturday night and everyone should go! I promise that it will be a new experience for you. He may possibly be throwing on a couple of my tracks as well. Quite exciting!

(Keep up that accent now)

I am currently in the beautiful suburb of Palatine, staying with my blokes Jeffrey and Adam. Last night was delightful, we made a delightful dinner, had a chin wag, burned it down, got totally bloody blitzed and watched the telly. I was fairly cheesed off about some personal crap, and they talked me down. Good friends.

I really need to stop fannying around and get my chunked-arse to the gym. Actually I have lost 4 lbs, which is good, but I don't think it has necessarily been a healthy weight loss. Ah well! Who am I to complain about which side of bread was buttered before it was handed to me. All I know is that the scale read "4 lbs lighter"

Alrighty, I'm back to putting the pieces of my life together since someone recently threw a spanner in the works. I'll be back with another post once I work out the blooming kinks.

TA, dars.

A Few More Tidbits...

I miss Mary-Kate Olsen. Here she is paying a parking meter last week. I mean, I know she is an Olsen twin... but DONT JUDGE. She's just a person like you and I. The only difference is that she is a celebrity... and that she can make a parking meter look fat.



GOD look at those shoes though. $exy.

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For those Lost fans out there who care, I thought this was an interesting tidbit...



Maggie Grace and Ian Somerhalder are FUCKING! I'd pay 4 dollars to see that... if it came with an orange crush and one of those red plastic baskets of pretzels.

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Another Picture of Kylie Minogue looking stunning and the picture of health in Paris.



I'm glad she is doing well, I love her cheap euro-trash music!

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THE MOST INAPPROPRIATE YET HILARIOUS THING I HAVE SEEN ONLINE TODAY:

BAD BLOGGIN'

I've been a busy bee the last few days, I apologize for not getting a blog up. But I promise that today's post will make up for lost time.

Sorry I've been a bad blogger.

OK! So, First off some pics from Karaoke with friends a few nights ago. Our friend Susan was in town, and it was nice to have her back in chi-town for a couple days. Susan AND her fabulous shoes. Unfortch there are no pictures of Susan at this time, but there are pictures of BIGGAYME and delightful Sarah.

Here is one of me singing HIGHER LOVE by Steve Winwood. Goodtimes a la Jerri Blank.



Here is one of Sarah and I who, I must say, were particularly silly that night. Please take note of Sarah's hair in this picture. It's like she was riding a roller coaster. Perhaps the roller coaster of life? You decide.


The night was tons of fun and I can't wait to do it again.

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This is my favorite Commercial ever, starring none other than Matt LeBlanc.




IN OTHER NEWS:

TomKitten's space pod has finally landed on earth, after it's launch from Planet Xornox (Zeebian Sector) a few light years ago. I'll say, this has been quite the wiild ride, watching this scientologic wonder unfold. I certainly hope that Katie Holmes is preparred for the dirty road that lies ahead. Those paparazzi are going to be on her like lesbians on the ticketmaster line the morning the lilith fair tix go on sale.

Before it was confirmed that Katie Holmes was pregnant (and before she started strapping a balance ball under her mumus) the media always pointed out that Tom placed his hand on Katie's tummy to imply her pregnancy. In the picture above we see Katie holding Tom's stomach. It seems, that tom is now carrying as well. CONGRATS TOM!

No more manic jumping attacks on daytime TV anymore, we don't want to harm the baby.

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So I have a google personalized homepage, it is very convenient and you can do a lot with it, but right now, it is proving to be quite the distraction. They have this DaVinci Code game that is updated everyday, and you play alaong and solve these creepy puzzles and you have to, like, do sleuth work on the internet to find info, etc... it's kind of cool. I feel like a detective.



Nancy Drew, Eeevun.



BTW, Don't fuck with AC Slater People.

He's Got the Headlock DOWN.

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In the picture below I feel that Brittany Murphy looks like a Jessica Simpson, Fergie Hybrid. Quite Creepy.



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The DIVORCE between EDDIE MURPHY and his pretty wife has been finalized. He's a big dickwad... I'm glad she got away from him. Rumor has it he has been cheating on her with a trannie.


The sad thing is that I wasn't joking about the trannie thing.

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Ummmm....... Avril, Buddy, What's goin on here?



She looks like one of the girls on America's Next Top Model after the "You have one minute to pick out a top model outfit from this rack of crappy clothes and take an amazing picture" challenge.

Speaking of America's Next Top Model (Quite possibly the best show on television right now) Let's give a hand to the self-proclaimed first supermodel, Janice Dickinson.



Modest Janice.

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Hey People... NEW SECTION: Whatever happened to?

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO MAYIM BIALIK?



Mayim Bialik, best known for her role on the TV show Blossom, was born on 12th December, 1975 in San Diego, California.
Bialik got her first acting break when she was a young girl in the movie, Beaches (1988), where she played the young version of Bette Midler's character. She was the only girl with as unfortunate of looks as Bette Midler they could find to play the role.

Mayim is a Jewgoil and is a Jewish Studies major. Mayim has been taking a break from her stressful acting career to concentrate on her studying.

She graduated from UCLA June 2000, and will begin studies towards her Ph.D. in neuroscience this fall at UCLA.
She is currently in a relationship with a fellow student who she has been with for several years. She also Popped out a baby boy. Slut.

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Lastly I would like to post a Goldfrapp vid because I think she is the shit and I think this video is hilarious and cool as hell... and I know James likes it cuz of the doggies :)

Stupid Cold

So I was supposed to go out tonight to hang out with some friends but I have a dumb cold. I am trying to be responsible by not going out and getting hammered when I am feeling yucky.

Quite boring.

But, on the bright side, everyone is coming to my place for brunch tomorrow, so that will be fun!

Dannii does it again...

OK, So I have been doing a little sleuth work on Pop Princess Dannii Minogue, and I found her Brand Spankin' New Video on YouTube. Here's the thing about Dannii: She is like a lollypop, or a bag of liquorice all-sorts... She is all sugar. I must say, I found this video to be refreshing, eurotrash, and 100% fun. Her fans have been oh-so-anxiously awaiting her video and new album and this is the first track "So Under Pressure". I hope you guys like it. It's 80's Nouveau, flashytrash, sex in a blowpop!

GEVALT GESHREEYEH!

(Note: This post was supposed to go up last night at around 11pm but the internet was not running well enough for me to do it, alas... here is the post that would have been.)

JESUS ON A MATZOH!

This strange phenomenon occured two evenings ago at the Arnold residence in South Bend, IN. Emma Arnold, a jewish princess, opened up the first bag of Matzohs to be consumed on this first evening of Passover. As she pulled the Shmura Matzoh from the bag she noticed something: The downturned face of Jesus burned onto the Matzoh!

Truly a miracle. The 8th wonder of the goddamned world. Take a look:



This majestic beacon of hope can be yours for display (or consumption), Emma is selling this sign o' the times on Ebay. Act fast! The Bids are pilling up!

Here is the link to the Mystical Matzoh on Ebay:
http://cgi.ebay.com/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=7406985034

Happy Passover. Shalom.

Oops... She did it again

In light of the "Britney drops baby Sean on his head" crap that has been circulating today, I am posting this HILARIOUS picture that my friend Amy Trejo doctored up. The baby is updside down, and Britney looks a little crosseyed too. lol! Nice job, Ames.





Amy is one of the friends that I get to see tonight at Veronica's gathering at Moonshine. If you're in the neighborhood, you should stop by. Lucas throws a great party, y'all don't want to miss out on this!

MAMBY @ Moonshine ::::1824 West Division St. in Chicago::::

Sunny Days

I must say, It's quite nice to have warm weather and a bit of sun again. The Winter chill was really getting to me.

I am feeling a little sick today, which sucks because I havea busy week ahead. What can you do?

I found this great picture of Gwen Stefani and Gavin Rossdale on People.com today. She is like, the HOTTEST pregnant bitch I have ever seen. And Gavin Rossdale is sexy too. I'd sit on both of their laps.


I have had goldfrapp stuck in my head all damn day. I love that $EXI BITCH.

Speaking of sexi bitches, Elizabeth Berkely is coming out with a new movie this summer that you won't want to miss:



Ummmmm.....



..yeah, ok... uh.. Nice Jacket, Sierra >>

...




It's nice to see Lindsay Lohan with a redhead again. I have liked her other colors, but I think she looks so flippin cute as a redhead.







Now I know Paris Hilton is a goddamned dumbass... but she looks pretty hot (albeit, quite slutty) in this pic above.

$$$ MONEY MONEY $$$

This is a late night post, I am mostly obliterated, but I thought it was really important that I post this video.


It might be the funniest thing I have ever seen in my life. Watch it with the sound up. And pay close attention to the girl on the right... I think she is INSANE AND FUCKING HILARIOUS. (And I actually see the beginning flecks of a lesbian in there too) Her voice and laugh are a flippin riot. I want to get wasted with her and have an eat off at a Korean BBQ.

I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.

I have to go to bed now, as my body is giving out beneath me. Tomorrow morning I am going to check into Columbia College's Music Business program. I'm excited about that.

Have a good night dudes and dude-ettes. See yaz on the flipside.

"SIMMER DOWN!"

I think the lady is hilarious. The rest is fine, it's really just the lady, though.

I am going to my pal Veronica's gathering at Moonshine tomorrow night. Sounds like fun! I'm going to see some friends of mine that I havent seen in a while.


Now look, I know there are a lot of MOSS/LOHAN haters out there, but you have to admit... They look hot together. It somehow works for those blowwhores.

And Kate HAS NOT AGED... it's almost creepy.

I wonder what Lindsey Lohan will look like when she is 65. I was about to say the same thing about Kate Moss but then it occured to me... don't be silly Gregory, Kate Moss wont live to be that old. If the drugs don't kill her, I'm sure one of Naomi Campbell's wayward diamond-encrusted flying mobile phones will.

Tom Cruise Kills Oprah

Elegant Paris Hilton...

...stepping in vomit.

The sun is shining, I'm in a better mood...

.... and I found some funny pics and juicy gossip online. So LET'S GET TO IT!

Simon Rex was found in the dark corner of a club in NYC with his dick out, getting ready to take a piss. He was probably trying to pick up a man-trick. I LOVE Simon rex... he's like a real life DIRK DIGGLER. He was in gay porn, AND he fucked Paris Hilton.

SIMON gets an A for EFFORT.




...

In other news, Miss Jackson is looking pretty FUCKING GREAT.



I found this picture on Dlisted (a really great site with a HILARIOUS webmaster) documenting her recent weight loss.

Nice Janet... hurry up now, we need you on the scene since britney obviously isn't going to be making any sexy music vids any time soon...



I love how everyone is saying she is the new Madonna... she could have been if she didn't go all WT on our asses. More like Madonna's retarded sister that she doesn't talk about.

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just fascinating. What do YOU want him to do with the gun? What happens next? Post a comment and tell me.

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And Last, but certainly not least is this hilarious picture of Carrie "Jesus Take the Wheel" Underpoo, and GIANTESS JUDD @ the CMT Music Awards.
















It's like the beginnings of a really bad porn.... Carrie looks like a goddamned deer in headlights, cuz she knows BIG MOMMA JUDD IS GONNA STICK IT TO HER REAL GOOD.

$tupid $tupid $tupid

So, this morning pretty much cemented the fact that I don't like money very much.

I would be so happy if it just didn't exist. It complicates things.

I had a good day yesterday, things are coming along quite nicely in the studio.

Too lazy to write anything else. Maybe later.

Stude Dude

So Trent, the guy that is helping me with mastering my album, usually wakes up around 1:30pm. Since he is getting into this music stuff, he is staying up later. (He, like myself, becomes obsessed with a project and wont stop until he is outta gas). Well... This morning I was pleasantly surprised that he called me @ 9:30am. Rare.... rare indeed. Today is supposed to be 70 degrees and sunny, so I called him back and we decided that we would get lunch, hang out in wicker park for a few hours and then hit the studio.

The makings of a great day.

In other news, Dakota Fanning reaches new heights of creepiness, just by BEING HERSELF.


And I am also still not over having fun with the whole Whitney Houston is a big Lezbo Crack Addict Scandal


Oh whitney, put down the crack pipe. The pussy is fine, just no crack honey, n'kay?






I mean, COME ON.. lookatdabitch.

Blog+Me=Better Livin'

So I have decided that it is a really good thing that I started this blog because It makes me want to do more stuff so I seem cooler and more interesting and well-rounded.

For example, last night James and I went to this R4WB1T5 (rawbits) show, experimental electronic music, and it was really cool. I got to see my friends Sarah and Jon (Who was actually involved in the show) and Emma and Ben and listen to cool music and get drunk and laugh and stuff.

Although I didn't go to that event with the intent of providing myself more material for my blog, I still feel so coool, I can't even believe it.

Sarah said some nice and encouraging things about my music which I really needed to hear, basically that I've done so much and that I just need to shut up an do it.

Tonight, after my dance-a-thon, I think I might go out to the burbs to visit Jeff and Adam. Who KNOWS what will happen?!? Most likely something that will make you think I'm really cool.

Dance-o-rama

Tonight I am going over to Emma's to do the dancing thing I mentioned in an earlier entry. It should be fun as it is basically going to be emma shouting out classic dance moves and me performing them, on-the-spot, as she films me.

Shit, serious blackmail fodder.

How do I get myself into these things?

It's totally Karmic payback for the comments I made about Johnny Depp's girlfriend's wretched tool box of a mouth.

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

Now I know we are all supposed to love "radiant Katie" as she prepares for her mystical scientology silent birth (as we all know, aliens react adversely to loud noises) but I must say... she looks like a 7 year-old girl with half of a fat suit on in this picture.



And there are no words for that "blouse" she is wearing...

....

....
..

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...except these: That shirt is so terrible, it makes her head look like a turd (with sunglasses on) that is being pushed out of the butt of a hostess cupcake. I had even cropped the picture and turned it upside down to help you visualize what I mean but for some reason it wouldn't post.

The Scientogoglists must have already hacked into my laptop. Those sons of bitches.

Is Johnny Blind?

Maybe all of that hair is obstructing his sight... I mean JESUS CHRIST. This Dental Situation- Bleak. Looks like a goddamned upside-down picket fence.

I'm totally going to hell. I'm sure if I met her in real life I would think she is beautiful despite her buckskin teeth. Click the picture to see it larger. I guess I was just a little shocked. That's all.

Awakenzie

James and I might go look at furniture that we cant afford. That's always fun/depressing.

Maybe if I went to the gym more regularly again, I would be more confident of a person. I need to experience something re-affirming. Right now I don't have faith/interest in much of anything.

Maybe I will go to the store and buy some milk. It's my turn. I'll also get some juice. Delightful. Not really life-affirming, but a contribution to the household which is important.

2:14am

Time for bed... Hopfully I wake up with a fully-restored sense of self.

Maybe she is a whore...

...Check out this scandalous and sexy pic I found taken of miss thang back in 200 BC. I'd totally hit that.

My favorite part of this picture is the accessories. Like she was in a hurry when they took the picture.. "I'm just on my way out the door!"

My Apologies

Dear Mizz Betty White:

I do not think you are cunt faced or a whore or a bitch. I only typed that entry for shock value and to give my Friend Jeffrey a hard time because he wants you to have his baby. I love you and your dog.

Invention Really Quick

So this album that I refer to is basically my world right now. It is really all I have ever wanted to do. Right now, I am working on putting the final touches on the first single called 'SUPPORT'. I have gotten a really good reaction from people, and I am excited to finally get it out there... I am going to the studio today to record some more vocals for another song called 'FASHION BOMB'. Trent is helping me with some vox recording and mastering my CD. He has been a great friend through this whole process.

I have more than an album's worth of music that is pretty much finished... I will post snippits of a couple of the songs as soon as I get my act together.

Nornnalove

Check out Nornna on Youtube. She's a gem. She might be my new favorite person.

http://www.youtube.com/profile?user=Nornna

My Favorite Video of her's is 'NUTS' and I also love 'WHY I'M NOT AT THE FUNERAL'.

I also enjoy any of the videos in her CORNDOGS and CORNDOGS AGAIN series.

The way chinese takeout tastes when you suspect that the cook has spit in your food

Last night my friend Emma and I went to Babylon for dinner. They didnt give me my honey-dipped lady finger. BITCHES.

Nice pick Emma.

On the walk home, delightful Emma and I were discussing videoblogging and decided that we were going to start our very own videoblog. (Sidenote: I just can't get this GD java inside of me fast enough) Emma works for an [ice cream shoppe] that is making a promotional [flavor] for one of those online [ice cream] companies. (NOTE: Parts of the last sentence were changed due to a conflict in rights of use of information and because Emma is a paranoid schizo, et al) They needed someone to dance for them on camera so they could transfer the images to animation and work them into the game. Of course I get suckered into this... so if sunday night you are having a nice jaunt down Damen Ave. and see the sillouhette of a BIG GAY doing the mashed potato, fear not: It is probably just me whoring myself out in front of the camcorder. So after some discussion, we decided that it might be fun if we posted some of these dances on our new videoblog. It might be nice for the viewer to be following along the videoblog and stumble upon some random shmo doing the oogabooga. Obviously I am thrilled at the prospect of this occurring. (Sidenote: I have totally been so hot on the old KLEER track 'Tonight'.)

I see a possible colab with MTV in the future... possibly commissioning me to do a workout video a la Carmen Electra's 'Striptease'.

I have been so bored lately. I'm really looking forward to warm weather. I miss going to the beach and burnin' one down.

I have pretty much stopped smoking cigarettes, which is good since I am a singer and I could lose my voice. (Please re-read the last sentence in a Blanche Devereaux accent to acheive the intended inflection.) Unfortch, whenever I become bored, I always get the urge to shove one of those sinsticks so far down my throat, and then just light it and breathe in and have that first drag off of the cigarette experience one more time.

I would love to have Rue McClanahan and Emma over for a nice pot of coffee and come chitchat. I bet Betty White is actually a big bitch in real life and I bet Rue would tell Me & Emma ALL ABOUT IT.

My Friend Jeffrey LOVES Betty White... he has 2 SIGNED HEADSHOTS of hers hanging in the guest bedroom at his place. So... I'm sorry, Jeffrey, for calling Betty White a big lesbian cuntfaced whore bitch.

junkie for your love

yeah. i can't get enough. oooh baby.

I don't even know.

So I am going through some changes. Havin a time of it... Makes things shift into a more realistic perspective when you are confronted with your own championing of judgement, and you are unintentionally hurting yourself.

The album is almost finished, which really butters my toast.

Looking forward to seeing the finished product... just want to have a little fun.

I'm a goddamned junkie for your love.