STARNOTES!

Dear Mary-Kate Olsen,

Wow. Well... apparently we have to have a little talk. I'm slightly concerned with the above photograph for various reasons.

...what was that?

You want me to break it down for you?

Of course I can, MK! We'll go head-to-toe and back again...

1) I'm almost positive that the headband you're wearing is supposed to be worn on the top of the head. I'm not saying I recommend wearing it at all, but I think it's was made to be worn on the top of the head. I recommend you take off the headband and get some nice tasteful accessories to act as a base to the acid that is Mrs. Roper's hand-me-down ruffles n' flourishes shift dress. Go here http://cursivedesign.com/ ...She'll make you a gorgeous custom piece to overthrow the tyranny dress. It's your last hope MK.

2) Relax with the eye makeup, Asparagus. It looks like you got pummelled by a donkey.

3) Oh that dress! Are you kidding me with that? I mean you put that on and looked in the mirror that day and thought: "Yes. This is what I'm wearing." I don't believe it. Pushaw... are you playing a practical joke on us MK?! You little jester, you!

4) That is an ugly and out-of-style handbag... even with a cute outfit. I just don't like it at all.

5) If you are constipated, there are many things you can do to "get things moving". They have many wonderful fiber supplement options available now. I recommend Fiber Sure, it's tasteless and you can mix it in food or drinks and get fiber in your diet without even knowing it! You can also eat a few pieces of fruit, like bananas.

6) I secretly love that dress, even though it makes you look like a little monkey that got into Aretha Franklin's "Dresses of Yore" closet.

7) Do you have feet or are some some kind of shadowy moneyed specter? Some kind of floating anorexic apparition....

Get a grip MK.

Smooches,

P.S. You went through all of the trouble of getting to a size -14, and now you're wearing over sized shifts to hide it all? What gives? If you are going to be the poster child for eating disorder chic, you need to display the goods, lady. Try this: An American Apparel Onesie, skinny jeans, bare feet and a Popsicle stick sticking out of your head... because I know how fond you are of the avant garde. Case in point, that horrendous headband.