STARNOTES!

Dear Lara Flynn Boyle:

Oh dear. What in the Wildenstein did you do to your face, sweetpea? It seems like only yesterday I was watching your fresh face and freckly buns galavanting around Twin Peaks trying to figure out places to make out with Laura Palmer's secret boyfriend. That dead bitch fucked everything up for you, didn't she?!

How could you do this to me? You've become a shadow of yourself... actually more like a wax statue of yourself. You look like a blowfish. I mean.... it looks like your fucking face was attacked by killer bees. You look like a burn victim. So sad. Still loved you in Twin Peaks, though. Thanks for that.

Much lynchian love,

P.S. I have an idea that might help. Stop pumping so much collagen into your entire EXISTANCE! Stop GETTING BAD PLASTIC SURGERY TO PREVENT THE INEVITABLE! If you stop now, there is a chance that you may, one day, deflate and look semi-normal. I mean jesus, look at Sherilyn Fenn. Sure she's probably had a little nip here and a little suck there, but overall she's maintained quite well... and she doesnt look like Pricilla Presley. But of course I ALWAYS thought that Audrey Horne was the prettiest girl in Twin Peaks, so I suppose I AM a bit biased.