GAYVIDZ
So I figure it's time to start a new column on the ole blog. I was on You Tube tonight (because that is apparently all anyone ever does these days) and I was looking up some choice music videos from my past... you know... reminiscing and stuff. After about the 18th video I watched, I realized the ultimate theme of these viral vids.... They were all pretty fucking gay. I decided that maybe it would be a great idea to share the gayness with you, in all of it's campy, brightly-colored glory. Nothing like a nice faggy video to start your day off right and bright.
I know most of you out there are thinking "wait a minute, aren't all of the videos you put up totally gay already anyway?" To this, my response is a big fat "FUCKYOUANDYOURFATBITCHMOTHER". Although a lot of my tastes have a hedonistic undertone, that doesn't mean they're all full-fledged gay. It's just partially gay. Not all-the-way gay. Guffaw. (The sad thing is that "all-the-way-gay" was a play on "All-the-way Mae", a character that Madonna played in the movie A League of Their Own... the gayest movie made in 1993. 1993? I just pulled that year out of my ass.)
Anywho, I decided that I needed to find the GAYEST videos on You Tube and start posting them and commenting on them because... well... that is what i do.
I needed to start the show off right, a real kicker you know? Something familiar (80's) but not too obvious (Madonna). I think I found one of the more homosexual videos of our time.
I present to you Whitney Houston's video for HOW WILL I KNOW? (My brill interp below)
The video starts with a somewhat nervous Whitney. We get to see her skinny back and legs hobbling through tie-dyed hallways with lots of gay dancers in head-to-toe black.
at :13 - note the thing she does with her hair. This happens about 15 more times throughout the video.
at :28 - we finally get to see Whitney's face. She is obviously already bored and just wants to get her check and leave. Flash to some insane dancers and more of careless Whitney. I'm pretty sure she's stoned. Love the hair and makeup. SO gay.
at :50 - we are introduced to the boy that Whitney is supposed to be asking about. How will she know? Well... I can tell you Whitney, but you might want to grab a whiskey sour and a warm compress because it's going to be a rough ride.
at :52 - WHITNEY'S WEIRD BOOBS.
at :55 - Weird orgy dancing featuring Whit's main squeeze. It doesn't matter sir, writhe around with those weirdo Fellini looking chicks, we still know you're a big Mary gay.
at 1:01 - Why would you do that to her? She already looks a little wobbly, why put her in a fun house mirror with green goo running down the sides? WONKVILLE, POPULATION WHITNEY.
at 1:17 - The coolest moment in the video. The non-descript dancer kicking for a second.
at 1:30 - 1:55 - An historical moment begins... as a child this was like magic to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The dancers, the colors, the shifting between foreground and background, the shadow dancers, the paint splatters right up to the part where the phones get shoved in your face to the beat of "CAN'T SPEAK". I MADE this video.
at 2:04 - Ummmm.... do I have to say anything? If any part of this video turned me Mobound, this was it.
at 2:20 - Genius. Busby Berkley-style shit going on here with the lifesaver and the shot from above.
at 2:27 - 2 seconds of awesome. The girl dancer does a back kick and arm flick and the purple swoosh across the screen makes my millennium. GAAAAAAY.
at 2:37 - I never understood this part... maybe it's like a modern take on a choir? Like Corb's version of the gospel singers? I have NO IDEA. I think it actually might have scared me when I was little because I'm a little scared right now.
at 2:48 - GAY.
at 2:58 - Too Shy Can't Speak + Red Paint Splash = Awesome (=gay)
at 3:08 - Even though all these guys are FUGGGGGG, I totally wanted to be Whitney in this moment. Thinking too myself "Oh no! All these doors! All these men behind them! What do I do?"
at 3:20 - Nightmares for 3 weeks.
at 3:46 - Always thought it was HILARIOUS how far back the Sax "player" leans when he "plays" that last high note.
at 4:00 - UNCOMFORTABLE.
at 4:03 - MORE PHONES! YAY! I love the phones. Operator operator... information please.
at 4:22 - We're treated to yet one more Whitney hair fluff, and then we're out.
THANK BUHJESUS. That shit was almost as exhausting for me as it was for YOU! I'll be back with more gay very soon ;)
So I figure it's time to start a new column on the ole blog. I was on You Tube tonight (because that is apparently all anyone ever does these days) and I was looking up some choice music videos from my past... you know... reminiscing and stuff. After about the 18th video I watched, I realized the ultimate theme of these viral vids.... They were all pretty fucking gay. I decided that maybe it would be a great idea to share the gayness with you, in all of it's campy, brightly-colored glory. Nothing like a nice faggy video to start your day off right and bright.
I know most of you out there are thinking "wait a minute, aren't all of the videos you put up totally gay already anyway?" To this, my response is a big fat "FUCKYOUANDYOURFATBITCHMOTHER". Although a lot of my tastes have a hedonistic undertone, that doesn't mean they're all full-fledged gay. It's just partially gay. Not all-the-way gay. Guffaw. (The sad thing is that "all-the-way-gay" was a play on "All-the-way Mae", a character that Madonna played in the movie A League of Their Own... the gayest movie made in 1993. 1993? I just pulled that year out of my ass.)
Anywho, I decided that I needed to find the GAYEST videos on You Tube and start posting them and commenting on them because... well... that is what i do.
I needed to start the show off right, a real kicker you know? Something familiar (80's) but not too obvious (Madonna). I think I found one of the more homosexual videos of our time.
I present to you Whitney Houston's video for HOW WILL I KNOW? (My brill interp below)
The video starts with a somewhat nervous Whitney. We get to see her skinny back and legs hobbling through tie-dyed hallways with lots of gay dancers in head-to-toe black.
at :13 - note the thing she does with her hair. This happens about 15 more times throughout the video.
at :28 - we finally get to see Whitney's face. She is obviously already bored and just wants to get her check and leave. Flash to some insane dancers and more of careless Whitney. I'm pretty sure she's stoned. Love the hair and makeup. SO gay.
at :50 - we are introduced to the boy that Whitney is supposed to be asking about. How will she know? Well... I can tell you Whitney, but you might want to grab a whiskey sour and a warm compress because it's going to be a rough ride.
at :52 - WHITNEY'S WEIRD BOOBS.
at :55 - Weird orgy dancing featuring Whit's main squeeze. It doesn't matter sir, writhe around with those weirdo Fellini looking chicks, we still know you're a big Mary gay.
at 1:01 - Why would you do that to her? She already looks a little wobbly, why put her in a fun house mirror with green goo running down the sides? WONKVILLE, POPULATION WHITNEY.
at 1:17 - The coolest moment in the video. The non-descript dancer kicking for a second.
at 1:30 - 1:55 - An historical moment begins... as a child this was like magic to me. I couldn't take my eyes off of it. The dancers, the colors, the shifting between foreground and background, the shadow dancers, the paint splatters right up to the part where the phones get shoved in your face to the beat of "CAN'T SPEAK". I MADE this video.
at 2:04 - Ummmm.... do I have to say anything? If any part of this video turned me Mobound, this was it.
at 2:20 - Genius. Busby Berkley-style shit going on here with the lifesaver and the shot from above.
at 2:27 - 2 seconds of awesome. The girl dancer does a back kick and arm flick and the purple swoosh across the screen makes my millennium. GAAAAAAY.
at 2:37 - I never understood this part... maybe it's like a modern take on a choir? Like Corb's version of the gospel singers? I have NO IDEA. I think it actually might have scared me when I was little because I'm a little scared right now.
at 2:48 - GAY.
at 2:58 - Too Shy Can't Speak + Red Paint Splash = Awesome (=gay)
at 3:08 - Even though all these guys are FUGGGGGG, I totally wanted to be Whitney in this moment. Thinking too myself "Oh no! All these doors! All these men behind them! What do I do?"
at 3:20 - Nightmares for 3 weeks.
at 3:46 - Always thought it was HILARIOUS how far back the Sax "player" leans when he "plays" that last high note.
at 4:00 - UNCOMFORTABLE.
at 4:03 - MORE PHONES! YAY! I love the phones. Operator operator... information please.
at 4:22 - We're treated to yet one more Whitney hair fluff, and then we're out.
THANK BUHJESUS. That shit was almost as exhausting for me as it was for YOU! I'll be back with more gay very soon ;)
posted by Gregory at
9:26 PM
1 Comments:
Did you really just do a gay-by-play of this without shouting out to the big ass silver bow on Whit's head?
Is that too obvious for you?
Or rather should I ask, is that my new fashun statemint?
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