STARNOTES!

Dear Sandy Bollocks:



Why are you famous again? Love Potion No. 9? Miss Congeniality 2? Do you have a sex tape or something? I'm so confused. This picture of you is pretty, though.

Warmth and Love:







PS.... did you really fuck Matthew McStinks-a-lot? That could be why you're not getting much work these days. Aside from the fact that his stinky pinky leaves a permanent brown stain and fart smell, he has also been a little more popular than you since the breakup. (and by popular I do mean NAKED). You should try to do something to distance yourself from who you were defined as during that period in your life, so people can have a revitalized idea of who you are in their heads. No, Sand, some weird flashback movie about your husband's killer is not going to do the trick. I think it might be time to pull the girls out... and throw in a sex scene, some crazy talk and a blonde bob wig. That'll get 'em talkin'.